A journey into enlightenment

22nd June 2021

Bengaluru

ATMASAKSHATKARA EXPERIENCE

Hello folks,

I am sharing my first hand experience of inner awakening after being initiated into enlightenment process.

BEFORE THE ENLIGHTENMENT PROCESS:

After joining the dharma in 2017, I became conscious of something called the inner world. Slowly, over the years, through Sri AmmaBhagavan's grace, I came in touch with my emotions like fear, hurt, etc., and constant inner chatter. 

This constant chatter, inner-dialogue, is making so much noise that it is taking out the experience of the things at hand. Sometimes this inner dialogue is so intense that it becomes unbearable for me hear it anymore. I would be doing things externally, but used to get lost internally, especially while doing regular repetitive works like eating, drinking water, brushing, walking etc., I often used to complain to Sri AmmaBhagavan that I am unable to experience ordinary things of life because of this loud inner noise. 

Also, in the inner world, is the unceasing judgements or running commentary about other's physical appearance, academic achievements, life style/ cultural preferences like food habits etc., Though I was aware that these things, inner judgements, have no functional utility in physical world, and I have so much to know about myself and focus on my life, I couldn't do much, and was suffering because of this. I had the desire to come out of this. In other words, I was not experiencing the inner silence, except during the times of processes in the dharma.

Further, living in a metropolitan city notorious for its heavy traffic, I usually preferred not to go out during peak hours of the city because of this traffic. Hence, I go out in early hours of the day or mid-day, when traffic is thin, to get my work done only to save myself from the inner irritation accompanied with this external traffic. 

Furthermore, I used to feel physical stiffness, hence some sort of discomfort, in the body when I woke up in the morning. I would feel comfortable and energetic only after doing regular exercises. 

This is the description of my condition before the process. 

DURING THE ENLIGHTENEMENT PROCESS:

I experienced the presence of Sri AmmaBhagavan in the form of coherent sensations all over my body. I felt some sort of clearance in head as if some block is cleared. I felt my breath, but it was different smell which I scarcely remember experiencing anything similar to that in my past. After the mokshonama chanting, I used my washroom, came back and fell asleep. I had deep sleep with no knowledge about what's happened inside me. 

I woke up fresh the next morning. I couldn't recognize much about what happened. I just thanked Sri AmmaBhagavan for the process and asked them to make me realize about their gifts.

AFTER THE ENLIGHTEMENT PROCESS

By afternoon, I started to have first hand experience of the gifts. These are the following:

1. THE SOUND:

As I was walking on the same road which I am using for nearly 4 years, amidst busy traffic, I experienced something strange for the first time in my life. I started to hear the sounds of all kinds of vehicles- 2-wheelers, autorickshaw, bus, trucks- in the form of sound of engine, horn and while applying speed breaks. Every sound is so distinctly heard that I am clearly making out sound of 2-wheeler from an autorickshaw, similarly with others. 

Surprisingly, these sounds are not making me irritated anymore, instead I am enjoying these. There is a natural upsurge in happiness every time I hear the changing intensity of sounds like when the vehicle approaches you (increasing loudness) and moves far away from you (faint sound). 

2. THE TOUCH:

Though I am using smart phone for more than 4 years, I am experiencing the touch of my thumbs over the screen while I text something. I experienced this kind of touch only during initial times of buying this smart phone and faded away eventually. Now, I am experiencing this freshness of touch again and again. 

3. THE SIGHT:

The next day, after Ekatvam Mukti-Moksha prakriya, I started to see the ant movements in place where I usually sit after morning walk, but with special interest. I sensed that I am becoming naturally interested in observing the movement of ants. Earlier, I saw these ants moving in that place, but I was not so curious about them. Now, there is new found curiosity as I see them swiftly moving with their thin legs, climbing up over my hand through tiny hairs. I feel so nice to see this which never happened before.

4. INNER-DIALOGUE:

There is perceptible difference in quality and quantity of inner-dialogue. By quality, I mean that inner-dialogue is only limited to getting clarity over something important concerning my career, or to take decisions over tasks in the physical world, functional utility.

By quantity, I mean that duration of the inner-dialogue. It's reduced to considerable extent, though not completely gone. But I am experiencing deep inner-silence more frequently and for good amount of time whenever inner-dialogue is not present. This is a perceptible change for the first time.

5. SLEEP QUALITY:

As I wake up now, I feel my body has become feather-light. There is neither physical stiffness nor discomfort anymore.

6. ENERGY:

Physically, I am feeling more energetic than before and there is natural tiredness at the end of day after day's work. But the inner-stillness remains more or less the same since morning irrespective of how much work I did in the day.

7. THE BODY:

I am strangely observing that my body movements have become quite fast. Whether it is in walking, folding clothes, moving things in the room, etc., Now the body movements are quite fast than they were in the past. And I am not making any conscious effort to speed them up. It's just happening, and I am just witnessing. 

Thank you Sri AmmaBhagavan for these wonderful gifts. I can only see your greatness, love and compassion in these gifts.